Sundays
I wake up
Feel the silence envelope me
I see ice walls
Start rising around me
They contain the bleed
Shield the vulnerability
The day wears on
I am now concealed
In a fortress of cold filters
A fierce cave - it soothes me
Anger subsides, resistance gives way
I try to find happiness around me
Hold on to any vestibule of warmth
Instead the coldness envelopes
Cynics awaken
This is all there is
Other voices whisper “understanding”
But longing always wins
The battles rage in silence
I move through the motions
The conversations start and die
Eventually the pain starts to subside
Sleep beckons
A new week
Things to do
The business of living
I give up the resistance
A penguin sings a lullaby
I fall into a disturbed sleep
Mondays
The clock chimes
It’s 9.30
You wake up
You sense the distance
You want me as you left me
You try to break through
I am one with cold breezes now
Anger and longing interplay
You fight
Look into my eyes
Hold me closer,
kiss me softer
You stoke the fire,
You break in
I smell you,
Feel you, see you
The memories flood
I watch helpless
I see the rage dissolve
Now I am exhausted
I don’t understand
I am incapable of the switch
The day wears on
Our moments gain momentum
I am swept in their tide
In the magic of us
In the sheer joy of you
I feel a warm breeze
I surrender to the forces
Your love washes me over
By the end of the day, I am yours again
The noises give way to music
I sleep conflicted
The taste of you stays on my skin
The warmth of you lingers in my soul
I reconcile to the inevitable
Tuesdays
I am in love again
I long to see your face
I wait to hold your hands
To be locked in an embrace
Count the stolen moments
Shine them and sparkle them
Put them to rest carefully
In the treasure chest of my heart
The nights are filled with longing
I wait to see you again
Wednesday
I am one with you
Together we create magic
Life beats me through the week
You are there to apply the balm
You hold my hands
Tell me we are living the dream
Fighting the good fight
Building, making our place
In the sunshine and hay
I am weary from the fight
Grateful for your time
You tell me we can do it together
We are caught in the business of living
You at your frontiers and me at mine
We make time, have tea
You give every bit of yourself to me
We look apart at our own worlds
Try to move the story that much further
Try to add that many more pieces
Conversations and chai
Life continues it’s unrelenting march
There are some truths to digest
I tell myself I am in it for the fight
When I don’t have it in me, I will lie among the masses
Until then I want to lead, scream - look ahead
Build the future, change the world
Thursdays
Sometimes I am off to other lands
Whether here or apart, we are still together
We hold our souls together
Hear each other
Feel every breath
Noise and music merge into the week
We give it our best shot
I am now in you
And you are with me
Standing by me, supporting me
We scream together till our lungs burn
We try to create music in that midst
Exhausted, we go home
Engaged, exhilarated, alive!
Fridays
The week has passed
We are intensely together
Life now has thrown all its bullets at us
We duck, survive
Find another day to live
Find another step to move forward
Slowly we build our story
A conglomerate of our collective thoughts
We add a new brick to the edifice
I am grateful
Sleep - exhausted exhilarated
Having given it my all
Saturdays
I wake up in silence
Control the urge
A passing beauty, I want to share
An intense experience, I want to recount
I am still with you, in you
I see a warm embrace and a familiar feeling washes over me
Memories in every nook and corner
Sometimes the urges give way
I reach out
There is silence
Coldness
I am locked out
I am in the cave
There is nothing and no one
In the beginning I don’t get it
I wait patiently
But then the day gives way
And I feel hopelessly alone
Standing on the edge of a precipice
About to fall
I look for you to hold me
And I see an abyss
No one reaching out
My home comforts me then
Reminds me, there is a home
I am now passive, confused
Give in to the love
My mind sways in a whirlpool
What is love I wonder
What is companionship
Is it in the moments lived
In little things done
I have now shifted
I wonder what is real
And why there is a cold breeze starting to blow
The silences tear into my soul
I reach through the shreds and try to find the understanding
I find distractions
I stare at sunsets
I immerse myself in the laughter of friends
I find some alone time to paint
To cook, to clean. To love.
And then the dam bursts
There is a wall of tears
Unexplained
Inexplicable
The tears start to freeze into ice
The ice creates cold walls
I sleep resigned
Surender
Waiting for tomorrow.
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