Mirages

I spent years, building my beautiful crystal house, decorated it with stories I told myself over time. I looked, polished, perfected each corner, painted, repainted, blended greys and colors.......Was this a smoke cloud, I wondered? Or an edifice of my hopes and dreams? Would it blend into nothingness along with me? Or stay beyond, intangibly contouring a world without me...Would my screams be lost in the noise of the world, I wondered? I screamed feebly at first, screamed a little, found my voice, made a few people listen. Several held my hands along the way. They screamed with me, we will get heard together they said. The transparencies gave way....opacity emerged ....broad strokes of the picture emerged. I could not stop looking at my house now. I touched it, felt it. I was this and this was me.

And then I met you.

You had your own beautiful crystal house. You told me how much it meant to you. You wanted the calmness, the comfort, the shelter....a strong safe landing to launch from. You wanted your chance to tell your story, to build your dreams. Your house was built in clear blacks and clear whites. You had no room for grey, you said. You wanted to fill it with laughter, with love, with hope...you wanted your name etched on it, around it...you wanted to build and show a thing of such beauty, everyone would stop, stare, admire, desire... You wanted to provide shelter and strength to those who stood with you, while you unshackled your heels from a quicksand of circumstance You wanted to hear and unhear voices....you wanted to reclaim a lost childhood, to recreate and protect a new childhood. You wondered about stillness, where your infinite energy could carry you. You buried deep what was lost, looked ahead with joy at what could be...at possibilities...

And then you met me.

 The mirage broke....the illusions, the smoke clouds, the houses of cards....came falling down, around us ....while we watched....we looked around us again....a new world...new possibilities....what is real and what isnt. We held on to each other, tightly, afraid to let go....we saw our lives zip past in a free form, free fall.....in movement and in motion, you held my hands and pointed out a new horizon....a new sunset and possibly a new sunrise....it is intensely beautiful you said and I knew....but I am still falling now....i am still looking at you...quietly...i am watching edifices.....break, stay strong....the people scream around me.....this was all yours, they said. I hear voices now....the loud sound of the wind zipping past...while i fall....free form.

this is where i am.

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